You can and do spend a lot of time with your family members. But how often do you talk about the serious issues? We mean really talk. Research says not often. This is understandable, because it’s hard to have these conversations, especially with older relatives. They used to be the ones who minded you, now the roles are reversing. That’s hard for you and even harder for them.
So, why aren’t families talking? For one, it’s difficult. Research conducted by Home Instead indicates that most adult children (66%) surveyed described their critical conversations with parents as uncomfortable at times, difficult but necessary, or emotional with some upset. Growing older forces change. And that change often impacts areas of life such as living choices, driving, relationships and dating, financial choices, health and end of life. What if you could no longer remain at home without help? How do you tell your adult children you’re dating? What will you do if you can’t drive, or you must tell someone you love that he or she shouldn’t?
Making decisions, identifying choices and conveying wishes are an important part of the road ahead. But they don’t always happen. Beginning these conversations is so important and doesn’t need to be daunting. Experts have said that by the time you’re approaching 40 and your older loved one is around 70, you should have had the “talk” about the issues so many families want to avoid. Home Instead refers to that as the 40-70 Rule®, it’s a programme launched in 2008 to address the importance of starting difficult conversations early.
Steven Tubbritt, General Manager of Home Instead Waterford explains how to get things started, “It’s easy to put off talking about these conversations. Few like to contemplate having to depend on someone else for help. We offer some tips that can help a conversation get started and reach a good conclusion. Seek independence and avoid dependence. Listening is vital and putting yourself in another’s shoes when discussing living choices. Consider having the conversation in a neutral or new location, such as a restaurant, particularly if previous conversations in your home have been unsuccessful. Planning ahead will not only give you a better chance at the lifestyle you’d like as you age but will help you anticipate health care and long-term care expenses. You also need to consider what other family members may want and how a living situation could impact them. Plan a family meeting to discuss the situation.”
The 40-70 Rule® is an Action Plan for Successful Ageing, it provides expert advice to help you, and your loved ones start the necessary conversations about the future and put your plan into action.
With the assistance of noted experts in ageing, finances, health, end of life and communication, this resource will take the guesswork out of some of the issues that many families eventually face. Included are conversation tips and considerations for a variety of circumstances such as living alone, blended families, dementia and religious preferences, topics that so many families are dealing with in today’s world.
This Action Plan is written for the individual who wants to face ageing with confidence. You may also be filling out an Action Plan with someone you love including a parent, spouse or friend. Whether this plan is for you or someone close to you, we hope that completing this plan will help you be better prepared for the road ahead.
To find out more about starting your conversation with Home Instead Waterford call 051 333966 or 058 75298 or visit www.homeinstead.ie
